How to Talk with Your Kids About Your Divorce

Did you have a discussion with your kids about your divorce when you first decided to live separately from their other parent? Do not think that this single talk will take care of the topic once and for all. Instead, you ought to have numerous discussions with your children at a variety of ages.

As your kids get older, they will re-experience the grief process stemming from their other parent not living in the same home. Children will have various questions as they achieve a variety of development phases. You may be surprised to see the intense feelings that your child displays about your divorce when you have lived separately from their other parent for many years. If you divorced when your kids were small, they may not remember a time when their whole family lived together. In several ways, this is simpler since they have never known a variety of living conditions.

Teenagers are starting to have romantic relationships of their own. Because of this, they may have additional questions about why your relationship with their other parent dissolved. State facts without casting their other parent in a poor light. If there was an affair, you may be ready to share that information, but you do not need to give your commentary about the whole situation such as your opinion about that home-wrecker your ex-partner shacked up with. If you have sole custody, you should explain how parental decision-making works according to your court documents.


Definitely have a discussion with your teens about how their choice of a life partner can have key consequences for their future. They may determine lessons from your experiences, so share several of the effects that your decisions have had on you. Since your children may not have witnessed happy adult romantic relationships modeled, be sure to discuss how to treat their dates and what treatment they ought to expect from their friends and romantic partners.

Younger kids often feel that the other parent abandoned them and may be frightened that you will do the same. Be respectful of these feelings, and try not to be overdue to pick them up from child care or other events. A child who is the last to leave may experience again those emotions of abandonment. Reassure your preschool and early grade school kids that you will not abandon them. Discuss how families can be made up of different people living together and may not include two parents living in the same house. Let them know that you love them and that the other parent does, too.

School-age children often feel different from other children when they only live with one parent. Talk with them about their feelings. Kids this age may still have the abandonment anxieties, so reassurance of your love and commitment to them will still be required. At this age, they may wish for more details about why you are divorced. Stick to the facts with no casting blame on the other parent. A simple explanation that you and the other parent no longer loved each other and wanted to live apart may suffice. Try to give the smallest amount amount of information that satisfies the child. Often, adults want to give all of the details, and the child really may not want to hear them.

Communicating with your kids about your living situation is very critical. When your child asks a question about your divorce, answer truthfully with age-appropriate information. Expect that the topic will come up again and again as your child matures and gains a variety of life experiences.